(These was written 3-4 years ago, after attending a Bridal Shower Party)
It was quite some time after I have been invited to a bridal shower party. After all, more and more women tend choose to marry later in this day and age, not to mention that an appalling 1:2 man: woman ratio, women are indeed running out of catch these days!
Having been married for 10+ myself, coming to witness bridal showers and wedding ceremonies are always a joy to behold for they remind me of good memories if my own shower party and wedding day that I have kept in my heart. And as always, whenever there are shower parties, the inevitable “share-your-advice-to-the-bride-to-be” part of the program is a given expectation for us, uh… should I say… mature women of the pack.
One favorite advice I often give out to a woman about to embark on marriage was borne of out of a personal conviction and belief in womanity and individual.
When a woman gets married, she starts acquiring new ‘roles’ in life—being a wife, a mother, a daughter-in-law, and so on. But we must also not forget our own individuality.
These roles I mention are temporary in nature. Our role as a wife can end in many possible ways - someday we will have to part ways with our spouses thru death; sometimes we may end up losing them earlier through another woman or may be through work. Some marriages end simply by couples growing apart. While I am fortunate enough to have been raised by parents who have managed to stay together amidst many differences, I am aware that there are a lot other children then who went through life without a solid family to lean on. And now, I realized that the crucial roles that the husband and wife play in a family, begins with the two of them. Love is such a complex subject and while it is fairly easy to fall in love, the crucible is in making it lasts.
On the other hand, we never really end our roles us mothers but there will still be a time when we have to start backing off and let our children live their lives and we have to stay in the background as much as we can. I have a sassy two-year old daughter reminding me exactly that, young as she is, she has her own choices now and vehemently insists on them (“I don’t like skirts, I like pants…”, “I don’t want to dance, I like to sing…”, “I don’t like to write, I like to read books…”, “Where is my cellphone, Mommy?”) and while it will still take a long while before she can really assert those choices, the reality sinks in that times have indeed changed and so does the children of today. And because of that, our roles as mothers, though still unchanged at the very basic level, also had to evolve and meet the changing generations head on.
But the one role we never stop being, is being our self. Thus, we have a responsibility that even though two people in love are blessed to live one life together, we must also not forget who we are, our dreams, our strengths and our beliefs. A woman should not lose oneself despite being united to another. A woman ought to continue cultivating her dreams and enriching herself, find meaning in life other than being a wife or a mother, a friend, a citizen of the world.
Women today are far luckier than the women from our mother’s and mother’s mother’s generation. Women today have more choices and are more informed of our rights. Women today are more empowered to choose and chase her destiny and live up the life she wanted. I hope that women continue to cultivate and assert her womanity!
At the end of the day, when everything and everyone else are gone, the one person you will be left with is you. Aptly said by an anonymous author, “When you are alone, do you like the company you keep?”
Love yourself!
