Coming Home

Endings are also beginnings. You just don’t know it at that time.

So I did quote. Quite a number of times actually. One of them being, in 2010 when we moved to Singapore.

And so these same words came fleeting in my mind, as we were weaving through traffic in that very hot and humid evening of our home coming to Manila. 2 ½ years is not exactly an eon ago. So there was nothing really melodramatic about that “coming home day.” And yet, I was filled with feelings of anticipation.

After all, it is home.

Our first destination that week was to visit our residential home. While still weeks away from being able to move in, we had to visit the house often enough to get it clean and ready to receive our furnitures and stuff.

As always, seeing our home moves me. This home was after all, built at a very memorable year of our lives.

People asked me in my fist few weeks, what it feels like to be back?

Quite honestly, it never felt like we have been away for 2.5 years. Uncannily, it felt like the day we came back was just a continuity of that day I first left, although looking around me, things did quite change.

I snapped this picture of sunrise of my first official day back to work. It had to be significant because work, after all, was the primary reason for these transitions in our lives.

And while I am back still the same person that I once was deep down, I also knew that there were a few changes that happened to me and philosophically, I believed it has all but prepared me for this new chapter of my life. I had a renewed sense of purpose, for once.

I looked at the sunrise and said to myself, “A new day has just began”.

Four Years of Metamorphosis

January 2013 marks the 4th year anniversary of my blog.

It started out as an extension of my childhood diary days and the habit of putting things into writing. When I ventured into my first article in my blogsite, all I wanted is to have an online repository for my essays and musings. I have my arsenal of poems too but I decided not to put them into the blogsite. Metamorphosis was the title of my column in the UST Thomasian Engineer Journal. I decided to stick with this because of its symbolism.

My first articles were about the most important people in my life – my family. Then I started sharing a few articles to few close friends and friends-slash-colleagues who knew our family. They were my first few readers.

My stories were mostly about my loved ones.

A friend  included a link of my blog into her own blogsite and it created new readers from time to time. Facebook paved the way for much broader sharing and readership esp for friends outside the country and outside of my work circle.

But really, it is and still is, just all about sharing my thoughts no more than what I used to do as a child with my old notebooks. I also obtained inspiration from two blog sites that I follow and this challenged the creative side of writing from time to time.

In 2013, I’d like to expand my blog articles to do a lot more advocacy for the children with special needs and for my home country. I only had a few book reviews so far. To do this for every book I've read will probably require a second blog site so I kept it to few meaningful ones.

 This was taken in Punta Fuego, Batanggas.
Scenes like this is pretty much like forever in a day.

Blogging is like a marriage. Fairly easy to get into one but keeping the fire (of enthusiasm and creativity) burning takes genuine love and commitment to make it last.

I'd like to think that the blog is an extension of my true self, the part of my psyche which I guess, not a lot of people see. I grew up a loner and I guess deep down I still am.  But I found my voice, found a channel for my true self to break free through my writing.

Thank you so much, friends and readers, for sharing the last three years of Metamorphosis with me!

My Little Girl Got Calluses

It has been a nightly ritual to put the children to bed after finishing our evening prayer at Kyla's room. They also know Mommy will be working next door. Kyla requests that I visit her in between while I work. I also visit Kevin too, to check if he is finally asleep. He has a habit of staying awake for as long as someone is still up.

I just came from Kyla's room a few minutes ago. I reached for her hand and started lightly touching her palm. I noticed that the calluses in her palms grew bigger and rougher by now. She got these calluses after hours of playing at the monkey bars. She even proudly demonstrated to me once how agile and strong she has become, crossing the entire length of monkey bars with such ease and speed.


Kyla crossing the monkey bars while Kevin is perched on his favorite corner.

 Being a non-athletic person myself, I can only marvel at how nimble she was! I can't remember being able to do this when I was her age. She is eight and she got these very rough calluses. I have none.

Clearly, she enjoys conquering the monkey bars despite her dad forbidding her to play further when he noticed the onset of blisters that eventually became a wide, rough patch of toughened skin. I don't think we can stop her. It looked only like monkey bars to us. To her, it probably meant something more than that.

I snapped this photo of her that day, crossing the monkey bars. I smiled and eventually laughed out loud. She is good at it. She smiled back at me proundly when she reached the other end, and I thought, "there must be a feeling of freedom, being able to conquer these bars, against time, against every ounce of strength."

I remember that day while I was touching her hand and feeling the roughened skin of her palms. Clearly not a young lady's hand. Perhaps it will never be. I can see it now, my little girl is not meant to be the dainty lady. It wasn't just blisters I saw or felt. I remember the fears she has conquered. The depth of her love and understanding for her brother.

And in that moment, her little hand in mine, I felt a sense of portents being passed on to her.

One of these days, I'll let her examine her palms, feel the calluses.

And I'll tell her what it meant. And she has every reason to be proud.

And it's not about just the monkey bars.

The Oldest and Dearest from My Book Stash (or what's left of it)

Eventhough I love books, I have to trim down my book collection everysooften due to space limitations. In our Sta. Rosa home, we had a custom built wall mounted book shelf enough to hold a considerable volume of books to last a lifetime. Condo-living entailed we only have space for 1 bookshelf which is 75% full by now (and 75% are Kyla's own book collection). And I am not yet succumbing soon to the seduction of Kindle and tablet readers. Call me old fashioned in that area. I tried the e-books during the Palm Pilot era and it catapulted my eye grading to 500.

I have a handful of books from many years ago that are still part and parcel of my book stash wherever I go. From our Rizal hometown to our first home in Makati City to Laguna and til date. I have given away, donated and sold most of my books but these are simply the dearest of them all.

The Mythology by Edith Hamilton was a required reading in Literature during my junior high years. This  was my original book from high school. The book cover still had the date when I purchased the book (October 6, 1989) and still had the original plastic cover which is partly dilapidated by now. We took up the Olympian gods and goddessess, and the Trojan War. But I read the entire book anyway. I love this book because it gives you an insight on the great storytelling from early civilizations when life was still a mystery shrouded by superstitions, supernatural or even paganistic beliefs often confused with religion and simplistic rendition of why life was the way it was. The latest paperback no longer carries the same cover picture of Perseus holding Medusa's head.



A good substitute for the Gregorio Zaide history book



I love history books, especially that of the Spanish era. Perhaps in previous life I lived in the Spanish colonial-era Manila which explains my affinity for history. I also have books about America and Europe- not the school textbooks- but the kind that gives you an unapologetic glimpse of history and its glaring realities. The Old Manila is good read because it packs a punch despite the slim volume and is insightful and comprehensive. I also bought a coffee table book about the History of Manila and it's nearby cities and provinces. We cannot live in the past but we must not forget our past either - we must learn from the lessons of history and use it to influence a better future. Sadly, not al lot of our youth really likes history.


My book Europe 101 had an interesting closing anecdote about geopolitical history, economics and a daring prediction about modern age social justice and what it means for the First and the Third World.  It cited a quote from the 1979 best seller "The Future in Our Hands" and after that I'm hooked. Made me think hard and deep. I must find that book.

The book "Who Moved My Cheese?" was given to me by my manager Rohan Murkunde in 2000. There were about 5 of us in his team and we were about to face a huge change in our career- moving from R&D to Product Supply. The book is about adapting with change. I did not have a lot of drawbacks going through that episode of my life because a feeling somewhere in my gut circa 1998 tells me that moving to the Plant is my fate. But this book gave me the wisdom that we should not cease looking for the signs that foretells significant change that is about to happen.

Pride and Prejudice is a hand me down book from my friend Nats. Love story from the 19th century par excellence. What I loved most about it is that heroine is actually a feisty, speak-before-you-think, no non-sense young lady. It is inspiring that even though we are centuries apart, there were already liberal minded women who are ahead of their time! They are the true femme fatale!

The book by John Maxwell 21 Indispensable Qualities of a Leader was a gift by my then manager Carlos Morales, given to me during my early years as a young manager with subordinates for the first time. This book had a lasting impact on me and shaped by beliefs, thinking and convictions as a leader. In latter years, I used quotations from this book as part of the trainings I gave to my organization.

I was fortunate to receive the book "Now, Discover Your Strengths" as a gift twice. One was from my former manager in packaging days, Suhas Potnis and the second one was from my friend Ed Macias. This is one powerful book that changed the way I looked at strengths and the so-called weaknesses. It enabled me to discover strengths at its most fundamental level. Years later when I moved from one role to another in my career, I have used the wisdom I learned from this book to help guide me on which path to go based on my strengths. On moments of doubt, I read this book again to reaffirm on what I know I should be holding on to.

"The Best of Youngblood' is a compilation of stories from twenty-something Filipino writers and wannabe writers in the early 90s. I bought it when I was at that age bracket so you can say it is the literature of my generation (Gen-X). It is the many facets of the youth from Generation X. By now, some of them are working moms like me, some are still enjoying the freedom of being single, some are probably torn in between, and some are still searching for themselves true to Gen-X tienes tienes (coloqial for fluff). If you have read the book or if you are a true Gen X-er, you will understand what I mean.


The poignant opening story from the book Chicken Soup for Children with Special Needs

One of the most heartwarming book I have ever owned- Chicken Soup for Childen with Special Needs. This is the only Chicken Soup book left to me, obviously the closest to my heart. I read it one story at a time. Most stories are poignant, each story is inspiring and leaves you a feeling of connectedness to millions of others whom I have never met but we are linked together by a common special bond. The opening story "Welcome to Holland" sent me to tears for its truthful evocation of every mother and child's journey. I still cry whenever I read the opening story eventhough I've read it a hundred times.

Similarly the book "The Curious Incident of the Dog at Midnight" gives you an insight of how the mind of a person with autism perceives his world around him. How he thinks, how he processes what he sees, what he hears and how he will react accordingly. It enlightened me as to how my son apparently looks at the world from his eyes.

I encountered the book "The Five People You Meet in Heaven" while reading the Chicken Soup for Children with Special Needs. It is thought provoking to say the least and there are just so many unforgettable quotes and passages that makes you ponder. "Endings are also beginnings. You just don't know it at that time." And yes, it got me thinking who are the five people that will greet me when I die. Knowing my life, I can already surely tell at least one of the five.

Much Ado About Something

What Kevin has been up to these days?

Everyone experience change at one point in their life. And we have our own ways of dealing (or not dealing) with change.

Our son Kevin is going through his own swirl of changes in the last three months. New country. New home, New faces surrounding him. New places to explore. No more car, more walks and trains. No more SM or ATC. New playground. New food. Etc etc.

We tried to "space out" the wave of change happening so that whatever impact it would have on him can be minimized as much as possible. Any parent of special kids would understand what I am talking about.

We realized is that he is coping with these changes in his own way. How?  Here's how...

Everything in pairs

... or symmetrical

... or neatly lined up (despite having a shoe rack)

Most picture frames face each other, in this case, it "faces" the trinket



his and hers

 We actually tried to 'correct' it at first, like bringing the things back to their original places. Because we are seeing it from "our" point of view. But he would "fix" them later anyway. So we eventually let him be for his peace of mind. But his Dad has to put his foot down on non-negotiable items (like moving the sofa or the bedside tables). We suppose there is 'order in his world' by putting symmetry into things.

He would also sweep the floor, put back dried utensils into the dish cupboard and wipe the kitchen counter dry. He did this on his own and we didn't have to tell him what to do. We make it a point to praise him for a good job and I know he feels better to be able to help around.

Of course, things get pretty interesting when he is outside the house. Like when he would try to move the bench in the park, or rearrange the monoblock chairs in the library when we visted Kyla's school :-)

So in case you ever had the time to visit us, if you happen to see unique arrangements at home, you would know that it is Kevin -- bringing order into his world.

My Favorite (Bridal Shower) Advice

(These was written 3-4 years ago, after attending a Bridal Shower Party)

It was quite some time after I have been invited to a bridal shower party. After all, more and more women tend choose to marry later in this day and age, not to mention that an appalling 1:2 man: woman ratio, women are indeed running out of catch these days!

Having been married for 10+ myself, coming to witness bridal showers and wedding ceremonies are always a joy to behold for they remind me of good memories if my own shower party and wedding day that I have kept in my heart. And as always, whenever there are shower parties, the inevitable “share-your-advice-to-the-bride-to-be” part of the program is a given expectation for us, uh… should I say… mature women of the pack.
One favorite advice I often give out to a woman about to embark on marriage was borne of out of a personal conviction and belief in womanity and individual.

When a woman gets married, she starts acquiring new ‘roles’ in life—being a wife, a mother, a daughter-in-law, and so on.  But we must also not forget our own individuality.

These roles I mention are temporary in nature. Our role as a wife can end in many possible ways - someday we will have to part ways with our spouses thru death; sometimes we may end up losing them earlier through another woman or may be through work. Some marriages end simply by couples growing apart. While I am fortunate enough to have been raised by parents who have managed to stay together amidst many differences, I am aware that there are a lot other children then who went through life without a solid family to lean on. And now, I realized that the crucial roles that the husband and wife play in a family, begins with the two of them. Love is such a complex subject and while it is fairly easy to fall in love, the crucible is in making it lasts.

On the other hand, we never really end our roles us mothers but there will still be a time when we have to start backing off and let our children live their lives and we have to stay in the background as much as we can. I have a sassy two-year old daughter reminding me exactly that, young as she is, she has her own choices now and vehemently insists on them (“I don’t like skirts, I like pants…”, “I don’t want to dance, I like to sing…”, “I don’t like to write, I like to read books…”, “Where is my cellphone, Mommy?”) and while it will still take a long while before she can really assert those choices, the reality sinks in that times have indeed changed and so does the children of today. And because of that, our roles as mothers, though still unchanged at the very basic level, also had to evolve and meet the changing generations head on.

But the one role we never stop being, is being our self. Thus, we have a responsibility that even though two people in love are blessed to live one life together, we must also not forget who we are, our dreams, our strengths and our beliefs. A woman should not lose oneself despite being united to another. A woman ought to continue cultivating her dreams and enriching herself, find meaning in life other than being a wife or a mother, a friend, a citizen of the world.


Women today are far luckier than the women from our mother’s and mother’s mother’s generation. Women today have more choices and are more informed of our rights. Women today are more empowered to choose and chase her destiny and live up the life she wanted.  I hope that women continue to cultivate and assert her womanity!

At the end of the day, when everything and everyone else are gone, the one person you will be left with is you. Aptly said by an anonymous author, “When you are alone, do you like the company you keep?”

Love yourself!

Acts of Kindness

Kindness is like a candle in the dark. Giving hope.

Being a stranger in a new country, a new workplace, a new city/community and a new function is more than enough recipe for disaster. And dont even get me started about being alone. I heard this before but somehow it escaped me in that hour of reckoning.

Along the way, there were people who like rays of sunlight, brings warmth to an otherwise cold and dreary long day. We probably do not take these things to heart and take those for granted until finally, you are in a situation where you feel vulnerable.

In my first two months in a new destination, I feel so grateful to the random every day people for their acts of kindness... the "Good Morning Armie" from new office mates.. Kanitha who reminded me of my "Mommy Joyce" who led me to the Healthway Clinic during that deathly day when I was about to fade in the face of Singapore.. the genuine query from folks about "my life so far"... Kevin's new Angel for the words of wisdom... the lad who offered me a shelter under his umbrella during that rainy evening while crossing Orchard road... the planners who helped me onboard... my new team who took the load off... my informal lunchmates for listening to my run-down of my days-so far... the cheerful taxi drivers (who negated the grumpy ones)... old Cabuyao friends who visited in SG for the joy of their company... the Cabuyao friends who continue to tag me in all facebook pictures of Plant Life and WPI Pillar (yes, the thought counts)... folks at work who provide data/information without waiting for the end of the world...and so many others.

These acts of kindness  make a heavy heart, a wee-bit lighter during those days when it mattered.  With these thoughts I also realized that someone, somewhere-could also be in the same situation I had... and I promised to pass on a little dose of sunshine too.

Farewell to Angels

Kevin spent his last few days bidding goodbye to teachers, friends and sea of familiar faces in this world for the last 10 years. On December 28, we all finally move to Singapore. The goodbye is of course a symbolic rather than a matter-of-fact affair for him because I reckon that at this point, he doesn’t really fully well know that those moments will be the last.

Apart from the secure shell of our home, his school and therapy centers have been his “second home” all these years. We were blessed to have been surrounded by people who genuinely cared for him during those times when we were away to fulfill the needful duties for living. They opened their doors for Kevin, and have him belong and become a part of something great and worthwhile. They have been part of Kevin's small steps and little triumphs over the years. We will always be grateful to them. They will always be Kevin’s Angels on Earth.

Thank you so much—

To Teacher Weng Ynion of Trails Center. To Teachers Len, Donna, Ai and Aimee. Thank you for holding hands with us in the last seven years and through the challenges that Kevin faced, for sharing with his life's milestones. Congratulations on your new pre-school—we couldn’t have been happier knowing that more and more special kids need Angels like you in our country!

To Teacher Mon Mendez of Partners for Child Development and Progress. To Teachers Kang, Elaine, Mai, Soleil, Meng and all his former therapists. For being our partners and enabling Kevin in his ADL and for not giving up on Kevin. Thank you for the very memorable farewell dine-out you gave him... He always look at the pictures he had with you and although he cannot express it in words, I know that he is very happy and will always remember that day.

To Teachers Grace, Gerry, Edison and Lovelyn of Kindertech of Uno Cevita- for opening your doors for Kevin and other special kids who needed a chance. Thank you for giving him a place to belong and a little community where I know he is happy and loved.

I tried to be brief as I know words are not enough. We hope to see you all once again… somewhere, some time. I trust that somewhere along the road, there will be new Angels for Kevin too.

Just Got Lucky

When I first came in the Red Dot four years ago, I heard about this quaint mall along the posh Orchard Road where Filipinos gravitate, called Lucky Plaza. They actually called it a Jologs mall. The low rise mall will remind you of small town neighborhood malls back in the country. I never had a chance to go inside and check it out.

Until lately.

Sissy told me that Lucky Plaza is bustling with Filipinos on any busy weekday, but most especially during weekends. This is where many OFWs go for forex, remittance to home country (at a lower charge), buy authentic Pinoy groceries (Boy Bawang, Pancit Canton, Likas Papaya, etc) at Singaporean prices. At the food court you will find a stall serving Pinoy dishes. One serving rice and your choice of two dishes will cost SGD5.

One rainy Sunday afternoon, onwards to my second week at Sing, I was struck with flu and was literally sick and tired. I didn't have food at the service apartment then and was near starvation so I decided to brave the rainy weather and headed to Lucky Plaza to get a late lunch of rice and Pinoy food. I was also quite deppressed then that each step felt so heavy. The rainy weather did not help either and added to the gloom of it all. It was that kind of a week, really.

I knew I was close to Lucky Plaza when I saw throngs of fellow Filipinos at the rainy pavement. Chatting. Waiting. Laughing. Inside the mall, it was elbows to elbows with Pinoys. The remittance centers were the busiest lot.

I went to the basement food court and found the Pinoy stall and ordered my lunch. The tables were full so I had to squeeze in amongs the Pinays eating and chatting in one table for four. They smiled at me and let me take the vacant spot. I can hear their conversation as we were seated so close. I think they work as domestic caregivers, based on their exchange of stories. I listened to their stories as I ate my lunch. Before I left, I went to the Pinoy store and bought some noodles and canned tuna.

When you are in a country that is not your own, alone and sick as I was that day and longing for the comfort of your family, the company of fellow kababayans is as close as you can get to give you a sense of belongingness. Even if it was just a quaint mall sorely misplaced in the middle of the posh Orchard Road.

And who really knows? Probably during those weekend afternoons, the communion of Pinoys might have been sharing the same thoughts I had. We are all not very different at all. We were all just strangers in a country that is not our own. Working. Missing our loved ones. I will go through it for three months, but most of them probably had it for years and years. And there we were. Bounded by our solace.

The Gift of Generosity

Eversince Kyla started owning coin purses, mostly as a gift or souvenir pasalubong from someone, she always made it a point to fill them up with coins. She is so resourceful that her pink piggy purse or her tarsier purse from Bohol would always be brimming with coins.

When I travelled home this month and we had quite a time together, it was then that I saw for the first time what she has been up to.

When we heard our Sunday Mass, Kyla would no longer ask me for money during the Offertory. She turned to her own coin purse and brought out coins for the offering. She even gave some coins to her Kuya Kevin. This made me smile. I am proud of my little girl!

Later thay day while going around the mall and shopping for home stuff, whenever we will stop by at the cashier, Kyla took out coins from her purse and drop a peso or two to the tin can coin banks beside the cashier. She did this for at least 3 outlets we visited. Kyla knows that these coin banks go to charity work, usually for Red Cross or Bantay Bata, she once asked me what they are for. This also made the cashiers and sales ladies smile.

By mid-day, her once heavy coin purse is empty.

And so whenever I have change of coins after paying the cashier, she would ask for them. I think she also collects the coins from our garage sale at home. She never rans out of coins to be sure. I believe generous people-- despite giving away what they have-- they never really lose anything. They gain back more vs. what they have given away and most of all, they gain back more blessings and reap good karma points.

It is so refreshing and heartwarming how a child develops the gift of generosity amidst her world where the young are surrounded by crass materialism and me-first attitude.

I am proud of you, my little one!

And as I waved my goodbye to her this morning, though I leave Manila today with a heavy heart, I know that she will be alright. In more ways than one. 

(Musings from NAIA, thanks to the reliable wi-fi, it worked this time)

A House and a Home

Been busy house hunting for the past three weeks or so.

Exciting, interesting, riveting and of course tiring. It helped that I have been trained on Options Analysis, Success Criteria and Key Drivers. It made a big difference when it boiled down to the Final Two choices.

As I was looked forward previewing the so-called future home towering above me, I could not help but also think about our home in Sta. Rosa, Laguna that will be the soon-to-be-ex-house with poignant memories. Come to think of it, two years ago my husband and I made the big leap to finally build our home/house and it ended to be everything we both dreamed of and a place where the kids would be warm and secured. It was in a way a symbolic commitment on our end that it was a place where we would now be settling down for the many years to come. We even thought of selling the land and moving on the side of Sta. Rosa where new neighborhoods and villages are bustling. But we also believed that it wasnt just the prestige of those new places that mattered -- really, it was our community of friends in La Joya and their warm treatment of Kevin that held us back. That home also brought about many blessings and good karma to our family. Alvin and I both felt good we stayed in La Joya. The thought of having to relinquish ties with the old home seemed unnerving. I thought of every stick and stone that carried priceless memories.

In the Settling-In tour that Alvin and I had during his visit to Singapore, a nice Swiss lady was assigned as our settling in consultant. She has been married for more than 16 years and lived all those years in SG. Over a nice lunch at Lee Soy Chicken Rice (I hope I remembered it right...) along the SG backstreets, she shared something that her husband told her once when they were deliberating to sell their house in Switzerland ... "A house is just a house."

I had to tell myself again. A house is just a house. I had to bow to the wisdom behind these words.

A house is just a house. But HOME is where the HEART is.

 

A house is just a house. We can have so many houses in a lifetime. We actually did. But there can only be one home.

Singapore Haze

It’s my fourth week at the Red Dot.  All over the news is the Singapore haze covering the skyline.

I knew that the time will come when I will start asking myself “Why am I doing this?” My friend and mentor reminded me that when these moments come to haunt me, I should look back at the reasons that propelled me to move forward. And while I knew she was right, while I knew that those reasons were rooted down to Faith, I fought very hard not to lose my own faith to the forces that brought me here.

I blamed it to the many late nights of sleep I had even before I landed in SG.
I blamed it to the sudden loss of appetite way into my second week which left me seven pounds lighter.
I blamed it to the flu and sore throat that weighed me down for weeks that doesn’t seem to end.
I blamed it to the apparent lack of work-life balance that will be looming over me for the next three years.
And the rest of it is simply homesickness.

If my family were here, it would have been bearable. I would draw energy from their laughter. I would take shelter in the warmth of their embraces. But for now, their electronic memories and virtual chats are my only comfort.
Some office folks were kind enough to ask how I am doing. How is my family and are they coming anytime soon? There will always be a lump at my throat and I had to fight back the tears. I am not embarrassed by the tears but I have to stop them or else there might be no end to it.

My husband has been very loving and supportive, giving me something to hold on to even while we are apart. He brings to me the cheerful smiles of our kids, the loving words from Kyla and keeping them focused and secure in my absence.

My sister has been very helpful, keeping me company during my sick days and keeping me sane during those times when I needed someone to talk to.

It was great to have seen some old friends. Even for a while, I was back to my old self.

But at the end of the day, there was still this haze. Like a dark cloud enveloping my heart.

Uniquely Me (My Love Story with Books and Literature, at random order)

• I look up words in the dictionary just to see if they indeed exist or how Webster actually defined it. These are really weird or otherwise, unspeakable words. I still do it for fun esp. with the Gen Y and Gen Z terminologies today. Can’t wait to see jejemon in Webster.


• I’ve read the Funk and Wagnall’s encyclopedia from Volume 1 to 25. Of course I didn’t read one page after another though but I chose among the interesting topics per volume. Most of which are on history, famous people, science and geography. Astronomy also fascinated me but the books were way too archaic and this was pre-internet age. I wish though I had a sharper memory.

• Speaking of history, the Philippine History textbook by Gregorio Zaide rank as of my favorite books in high school. I was so affected when I realized the book was given away later as a hand-me-down. I like reading history books only if the author is a great story teller. Otherwise? I’d fall asleep faster than you can say “boo!” too.

• Come to think of it, I’ve read every volume of our entire encyclopedia at home (Science Library and Charlie Brown encyclopedia included). Looking back, I was actually thinking someone has to put them to use. Only my dad and I really liked reading for a hobby.

• I finished reading Noli Me Tangere and El Filibusterismo on the summer before the actual school year started. You can imagine how bored I was at the Filipino class throughout Junior and Senior years. In fact, I was so bored I had to read another book, carefully camouflaged inside the Noli textbook. I was seated at the second to the last row so the teacher hardly noticed. Besides, I had this goody-two-shoes reputation so they never suspected.

• I was not taught how to read. I learned to read before my actual preschool education. I did not go through the phonetic reading stuff and technicalities. The tagalog comic books and songbooks lying around at home (owned by my yayas) came in handy.

• Having said that, you can imagine how hard it was for me when it was time to teach my children how to read.

• My love for reading did not necessarily translate to perfect scores in reading and language/spelling class during my grade school years. GS years were mostly memorization, which I hate. But I got my payback during high school and college days. The perfect scores came during high school English and Literature where you need more analysis of the reading material and essays than mere memorizaton. I also get exempted in my English finals in college. This asserts my hypothesis: It’s always just a matter of time. Hah!

• I can remember the first story book I ever owned. It was a birthday present from the school directress during my preschool day – The Adventures of Tom Sawyer and The Little Mermaid. For a fairy tale, the Little Mermaid was bit too much for a five-year old to handle.

• I never liked reading Nancy Drew or Hardy Boys. Never liked reading any science fiction and futuristic stuff either. I love reality, thank you very much.

• However, ironically, I love Mythology. I still have my dilapidated book on Edith Hamilton’s Mythology which was a required reading from high school. Funny because they are quite fictitious but they have a hauntingly mysterious air. I also thought these are the fairy tale stuff of the early civilization.

• I got hooked reading Anne Rice’s Vampire Chronicles and Lives of the Mayfair Witches trilogy long, long, long before Stephanie Meyer and J.K. Rowling made a box office killing by making witches and vampires appear to be these wholesome, cuddly guys/gals next-door superstars. I am biased but Anne Rice’s vampires and witches have these truly gothic, blood curdling and dark mysterious streak. In a more obtuse comparison, Rice is classic; Meyer, Rowling et al (and the growing breed of Meyer, Rowling et al wannabees) are the “Wakasan” version from my childhood komiks memory. And yes, I am NOT part of the Twilight bandwagon. Tried reading it but I found out it is effective only if I wanted to sleep early. Or need a good laugh. Which I might need soon. No apologies.

• I first wore eyeglasses at age six. Those really made me look like a true-blue geek. I had this misguided sense of pride that made me think people think I looked like a geek. Get it?

• My astigmatism was corrected at 2nd Grade. I wore glasses again one year after working in P&G 

• I have to thank my high school friends/classmates (esp. Veronica, Carla and Hya) who loaned me the books that I read. I cannot afford to buy any books then. And so, when I started working, I started buying all the books I missed out reading. Mostly the classic literature. And Anne Rice’s. I also still borrow a lot too.

• My all time favorites: Pride and Prejudice, To Kill a Mockingbird, Gone with the Wind (life before Civil war, NOT the star-crossed love story, okay?)

• For mental exercise, I read more of the thin volumes of contemporary paperbacks. And write in my blog.

• The height of unwisdom as an effect of my bookworm tendencies was when my mom caught me reading this book (Sweet Valley High, purely wholesome teen novel mind you) using flashlight while covered by a blanket (so she wouldn’t know I was still awake). Needless to say, she took the book and slammed it onto my head (out of sheer anger, I do understand her-it was exam week) and she took the book (which I only borrowed from a classmate). She forgot to take the flashlight though. I had another back-up book, hehehe.

• To relieve stress during the chemical engineering board exam week, I read cheesy novels every night just before the exam day rather than continuing to cram my brain. I passed.

• Call me old fashioned but despite the onset of e-books that you can download in PCs or your handheld device (which I’ve tried when I still had my Palm Pilot), there is no substitute to the reading experience using real books. Also, I cannot resist skimming the ‘ending’ no matter what. And this is tedious to do in e-books.

• I had this subscription of the Pambata magazine in grade school. In my 2nd grade, I read about the different kinds of scientists. I read about the Chemist and said to myself “that’s what I want to be when I grow up,” having spent summers mixing soil, shaving cream and Old Spice perfume. I was waiting for an explosion. The only explosion I got was my parents’ fuming in anger asking where on earth that foul smell came from!

• During junior HS year, I read about careers in chemistry from my Chemistry textbook. I thought that the engineer working in a plant fitted me better so I changed my mind and went for chemical engineering instead. Who would have thought books could influence my life so much?

• Home is not a home without bookshelves.

• Aside from “home,” my second homes will include the UST Main Library. I probably spent half of my college life there. I also prowled at the U.P. College of Science Library in my early R&D days when we didn’t have internet access at the office and I need a research on magnesium soaps.

• On business trips, I bring books to save me from boredom. Just in case.

• I still love reading encyclopedias until this very day. We bought a complete volume of Time Life books to get Kyla to love reading. Turned out I ended being the one reading them. My daughter has a calling of her own and I had to live with the fact that she is becoming the person she will be.

• A year later when I stopped hoping, Kyla was the St. Scholastica’s Learning Resource Center’s Top Book Borrower for July 2010.

Kyla's Metamorphosis

The great author Anna Quindlen once wrote her thoughts about parenting and raising young adults- I forgot the verbatim statement but it all boils down to something like...

I've always thought that my children became who they were because of what I did for them. But I realized much later, that they grew up to become their true selves because they taught me a thousand times to back off and let them BE.

I was a young mother when I first read this. 10 years later the fiction became my reality...

I learned to read much earlier than going to pre-school and this started my love for reading. The first book I ever owned was The Little Mermaid (which I thought now was a bit too much for a children's fairy tale...).

I tried to get Kyla to also develop the reading habit but clearly she had other interests in mind (like singing, soccer, bike, scooter and roller skates) which rather supported her Bodily-Kinesthetic intelligent-self. I remembered Anna Quindlen so I decided not to force the issue. Which meant her grades in Reading are off than the rest. So be it.


But I was in for a surprise early this school year. They have this DEAR time (Drop Everything And Read) at school and she started to bring books at school. I also noticed she regularly borrow books from their library to take home for reading. Kyla now spends time to read books at home. One time she even read a book for her Kuya Kevin while they were hanging out together at the garden :-) Last time we went to the bookstore she asked me to buy 2 books. And another 2 for her brother.

But the biggest surprise was when we went to her school for the Parents-Teacher meeting. Posted at the door of the Learning Resource Center was the list of Top Borrowers for the Month by section... Kyla was their #1 avid book reader! No wonder I saw a different book every day in her stash!


I remembered Anna again... yep, she was right. And you can bet her Reading grades are now far better, but that's a moot point really. Reading is all about expanding your mind, seeking and finding that inspiration. At the end of the day, seeing Kyla now develop that genuine love for reading is such a great gift!

Somewhere

Somewhere

It was a Friday afternoon and there I was with my teary-eyed friend, standing in front of the mirror by the ladies room. I gave her a consoling arm-over-her-shoulder hug. It was the most I can do knowing that I was part of her jigsaw-puzzle-of-grief that day. While I listen to her run down of week long frustrations, the well of tears started to fall all over again. In that moment I can feel like her chest is going to explode. I feel the weight of her burden. Like all is lost and no amount of consoling can make it better.
I was actually reading a paperback (of a feel good story) that night and for some eerie reason not connected to the book, the memories of that afternoon came back to me. I tried (while still focused on my reading) to think back what triggered it.

And then, in a perfect “eureka moment” I knew. It was the well of tears.

It jogged my subconscious. It made me look back.

So I asked myself (while still reading…), when was the last time I cried a tear over work-related frustrations anyway? Maybe next time I can tell my friend about it and exchange stories with her of how I survived it. Maybe it does not make your angst go away but it lessens the pain. Maybe it does not really make everything better at that point when your cauldron of emotions is boiling over but at least we’ll have an interesting topic to talk about over coffee.

And so my mind made a mental rewind as I approached chapter three of my book.

Well? It’s been quite a long, long while.

How so?

It is inevitable that we sometimes find ourselves in an emotionally gripping situation at work. As mature people, we have to face the music but there will also be unsolicited, unwanted spots of verbal-torture that can leave you feeling drained and useless.

When I am about to be overcome by such difficult, gripping moments, I realized that I can always go to this place somewhere inside me where no one can reach you. Where no words can hurt or has a power to tear you into shreds. Where I am invincible to pain, grief, sadness or disappointment. Somewhere. Where I can retreat so that I can come out whole and unscathed. And go on with life (in this case, work) as we know it.

I am glad there is Somewhere.

Postscript: And at this juncture, I closed the book and got up to find my laptop. My next blog entry was born. Thanks to you my friend, for the inspiration.

World Autism Awareness Month

April is the World Autism Awareness month. I recently bought a women's magazine featuring Children with Special needs campaigning for awareness on their thoughts, feelings, joys and challenges. It is heartwarming to know that there is so much global awareness than ever which focuses on the rights of children with special needs. I read recently that it is better to say "children/people with special needs" rather than "special kids/people". They are after all, first and foremost, a child (person).

On a personal note, I am happy to have been surrounded by a family, community, school community and fellow-parents, teachers, work-friends and caregivers who have always been supportive of our dear Kevin, not only in mere words but in the way they have cheered him on to the many important milestones in his life... by the way they have applauded for him when he marched confidently on stage to get this award during their graduation day, their words of encouragement and their sincere happiness for my behalf. The world and the children with special needs will need more of you!