No Apologies (Ruminations of an Introvert)

Nobody believes me when I tell them – or more appropriately, when they learn – that I am an introvert. In my job, I interact with people all the time and being an introvert, it is very taxing to one’s energy.  On Monday mornings, after the daily feet on floor time at the production floor, I kid my team that it already felt like an entire week has passed after all that talking.  But all too well, I am not actually kidding.

In my daily work routine, I always needed a few minutes of time over a cup of coffee – alone – which is a critical element for recharging an introvert’s mental battery; or if I have to sit with a bunch of folks, I endeavor not to talk much; else I defeat my purpose of recharging.  This then would mean that oftentimes I am mistaken for a snob or a very serious person.

Introverts have been mistakenly equated for being shy, anti-social, docile and quiet--  a person who does not like to talk much or a wallflower in a social gathering.   I grew up thinking I was an introvert because I don’t like speaking in front of a crowd.  I am not good at small talk and would rather read a book.  I like carving out times for me to be alone and be able to do the things I like to do in solitude -   like writing a poem or a short article, talking a walk around the village or listening to my favorite song.

That doesn’t mean I don’t need friends, people to confide to, or that I shun human presence in general.  It doesn’t mean I am not a team player, in fact, I believe I am the kind who plays my role well in a team while the rest, talk and talk and talk.

Much later, when I was assessed for the Myers-Briggs Personality Test, I learned that introversion is a personality trait characterized by focus on internal feelings and how our energies are best recharged, rather than on external sources of stimulation and social exposure.

Understanding the fine line between introversion and extroversion was liberating. It made me comfortable over the choices I made instead of struggling to be this 'someone else'.  As a mother, I endeavor to also understand and respect my daughter’s personality instead of pressuring her to be someone she is not.  

End of the day, there are no apologies for being true to oneself.

Cheers for Five Years of Metamorphosis

Five years is quite a milestone for Metamorphosis*.

In my January 2013 article, I recalled “(The blog) started as an extension of my childhood diary days and the habit of putting thoughts into writing.  When I ventured into my first article in my blog site, all I wanted is to have an online repository for my essays and musings.  Metamorphosis was the title of my column in the UST Thomasian Engineer Journal. I decided to stick with this because of its symbolism.”

For someone who grew up to be painfully shy, writing is a great medium to express one’s thoughts and individuality. It is humbling how a simple blog whose roots came from solitary childhood ramblings grew to become a means to share life’s serendipities and somehow touch lives, albeit one person at a time, one article at a time.

Thank you dear friends and readers for allowing me to share a part of that voice with you!

*My column Metamorphosis got its name from the transformation of a lowly caterpillar to a bright and beautiful butterfly, after hibernating in the darkness of the cocoon. One can have a greater appreciation of light and beauty after getting enveloped into darkness and solitude.

Four Years of Metamorphosis

January 2013 marks the 4th year anniversary of my blog.

It started out as an extension of my childhood diary days and the habit of putting things into writing. When I ventured into my first article in my blogsite, all I wanted is to have an online repository for my essays and musings. I have my arsenal of poems too but I decided not to put them into the blogsite. Metamorphosis was the title of my column in the UST Thomasian Engineer Journal. I decided to stick with this because of its symbolism.

My first articles were about the most important people in my life – my family. Then I started sharing a few articles to few close friends and friends-slash-colleagues who knew our family. They were my first few readers.

My stories were mostly about my loved ones.

A friend  included a link of my blog into her own blogsite and it created new readers from time to time. Facebook paved the way for much broader sharing and readership esp for friends outside the country and outside of my work circle.

But really, it is and still is, just all about sharing my thoughts no more than what I used to do as a child with my old notebooks. I also obtained inspiration from two blog sites that I follow and this challenged the creative side of writing from time to time.

In 2013, I’d like to expand my blog articles to do a lot more advocacy for the children with special needs and for my home country. I only had a few book reviews so far. To do this for every book I've read will probably require a second blog site so I kept it to few meaningful ones.

 This was taken in Punta Fuego, Batanggas.
Scenes like this is pretty much like forever in a day.

Blogging is like a marriage. Fairly easy to get into one but keeping the fire (of enthusiasm and creativity) burning takes genuine love and commitment to make it last.

I'd like to think that the blog is an extension of my true self, the part of my psyche which I guess, not a lot of people see. I grew up a loner and I guess deep down I still am.  But I found my voice, found a channel for my true self to break free through my writing.

Thank you so much, friends and readers, for sharing the last three years of Metamorphosis with me!

Mental Allergy (ie, It's All in the Mind)

I can name at least 3 things that I'm mentally allergic to.   I am limiting this list to non-living entities because if I start ranting and raving about types of people (and okay, movies) I'm allergic to, I might get stoned to death, so let us not go there.... for now.

The first two objects are actually foodstuff.  My mental allergy stemmed from the following elements -- food that I actually ate when I was very young (between 5-6 years old), situation that involved sickness (fever, malaise-stuff that kids go through..) and a physical reaction moments after eating the blasted thing.  Am trying not to be graphic here so I hope you get the drift.

One of them was chico (the fruit, also called Saponilla, thanks to Google).  I recall crying my lungs out after the horror of it all.  After that episode, I swear that I can never, ever, ever, ever look, and moreso, attempt to taste the poor fruit.  Until this very day.  I cringe when I see it.  Unless you really hate me, don't bring this near me ever.

The other one was the apple pie. The boxed variety that was introduced in early 80s via a rising foreign fast food joint.  My father bought it as a pasalubong one weekend.  Never tried it again (I am omitting the details).  It took years and years before I overcome the anxiety of having to get gastronomically acquianted again with any apple pie.  I made peace with the said apple pie but I prefer the traditonally baked ones.

Mental allergy is mostly a state of mind rather than an actual physiological reaction.  It involves anxiety, palpitation, stress, name it.  Probably the same feelings induced when you are actually in love but in this case, you happen to hate it.  And because the brain is quite powerful, the mental impact is strong enough to obliterate reason.  And just like the usual allergies, it does leave you with funny reactions, mentally speaking.  If I do a reverse comparison, my mental allergy to those foods has the same strength (but in reverse) as the addiction of people young and old to the Twilight series.

I also grew up having physiological allergies.  I am allergic to seafoods (shrimps and crabs were the worse) and I share this with a sibling as well.  Unfortunately, my son inherited this allergy too.  I was able to overcome this only after giving birth to two children.  I don't know if those events are related but all I knew was that the allergy disappeared only after the second baby.  Some never outgrow of the allergy so I consider myself lucky to be able to enjoy chili crab and cereal prawns now. I am also allergic to detergents but this did not excuse me from having to wash clothes or wash the dishes (pre-Joy dishwashing liquid era).  I had to wear kitchen gloves.  I also grew out of it later on which is a good thing considering I ended up working with detergents.

I did say I'm allergic to three things.

Lastly, I am (mentally) allergic to the sun.  When we had our first ever beach outing, I stayed too long under the hot summer sun and ended up with sunburn. Not a good sight, believe me.  And ugh! When the old skin started peeling off?  Gross!  I ended up looking like a dark ghost in photographs (I was vain).  My natural color came back but I swore not to repeat this episode ever. 

In my second year of high school (I spent one year in Siena College Taytay after moving from the city to the ultra suburbs), I had a morning class and I would arrive home by noon time.  I don't have enough money to take the tricycle ride from the main highway to our home so I will have to walk for 500 meters or so.  I carried an umbrella every single day.  The non-folding variety, even though it was a nuisance.  In my first year in college, I carried an umbrella as well (folding one) even though the university and my dormitory was literally next to each other.

So now, while I have kids who love the beach, you can only make me swim when it's overcast and close to sunset.  Any photograph under the sun is a concession on my part (and I've slathered tons of sunblock prior to that).  Given the amount of ultraviolet rays these days, you are out of your mind to actually desire sun exposure.  And it is incredibly ageing.  So nope.

The irony of life is that while my allergy to the sun is probably all in my mind, it ended up that my daughter who love the beach did have a real allergy against sun exposure.

Weight-y Issues

People don't believe me when I tell them that once upon a time, I was overweight and chubby. (Pregnancy period not included.) I once had to bring a teenage picture of my +25 pounds overweight self at the office to actually prove this.  And I don't have a lot of those pictures then.


This is the only picture I had to prove that
 once upon a time I did gain 30 lbs while single.
We were clowning around at the porch
and sis Jeni fell down to the rose bushes (behind us)
just before this picture was taken!



I was a skinny girl throughout my childhood days. I did not eat veggies until I was twelve. My younger siblings who ate veggies grew up healthier and with better body build. Fortunately, my children grew up with an appreciation for eating vegetables.

During the latter years of my high school days, the so-called baby fat grew stubborn and wouldn't leave me alone! I can't wear slim fitting jeans then and my t-shirts were a size bigger. This continued throughout my college days. If you saw my college pictures, you will probably poke my head for thinking I am delusional and vain about body weight. But when you are in that phase of life when the definition of beauty, grace and poise points on being lean and slim, mundane things such as one's weight is the center of one's drama.

It did not help that because I love to read and I am hopeless on anything sporty, I spent most of my time as a couch potato. The only "exercise" I got was travelling from Rizal and walking along the streets of Divisoria, carrying heavy baggages with my mom. Or the weekend laundry day and we have to fetch our own water from the deep well a few meters from our house.

So for the first four years of my college life, I was obsessed about wanting to trim down and be rid of the baby fat. I'd eat breakfast and lunch but would skip rice for dinner and eat 2 slices of plain wheat bread only, sometimes with half a serving of noodles (I stayed in the college dormitory and there is no cooking facility there. But we can heat water for noodles and coffee).

I also attempted to join my dorm mates who jog very early morning. Call it plain laziness - I have every excuse in the world - "It's too cold..." "I just slept two hours ago..." "I need to meet my article deadline..." etc etc.

I gained much weight during my fast food days stint. There is an underlying story about how I ended up gaining that much at the time of your life when you are suppose to be enjoying the benefits of youth and a relatively faster metabolism. And I can tell you that the reasons go deeper than mere gluttony or hunger. I never confronted that thought and those reasons until today.

My husband and I met in college at the time when I was still overweight and chubby.

In my final year in college, my then boyfriend (future husband) knocked some sense into me and convinced me to quit the stupid dieting that never worked. (He did not say it was stupid but I guess he thought it anyway)

After I quit my nonsensical diet and started eating full meals regularly, I lost my baby fat and the excess weight!

And I never gained it back since then. Such was the irony of life!

My "To Do" List

This is actually a copy of hand written scribblings from my journal. I still keep a journal on top of my blog. It's a daintly looking notebook which I bought in 2009 at National Bookstore.

One of the pages contain my 2011-2012-2013 To Do List (it's a 3 year plan). It's not long list. Just a few important milestones I would like to do in the next 3 years or so. Had to write it down in my journal so that I won't confuse them with my other minor To Do List elsewhere in my other notebooks. I thought that by publishing them, I'd be more determined enough to ensure that it gets ticked off the list.

So here it goes...(with side comments which were not included in my notebook entry)

Write a new article about children with special needs and submit them for publication. (The former is easy. Getting it published takes a little bit of opportunity and luck.)

Do 5S more often. (Than I already do. Okay, this one is quite easy. But it's good to be reminded.)

Get a Tatoo! (Hubby supports this but I was advised to be content with the henna-thing.)

Buy an Amazon Kindle (?). I must be desperate to do this. (I ended up striking this out of the entry but including it here for transparency. I decided I am not yet that desperate.)

Buy more gemstone earrings. (Started! There is something down to earth about precious stones. And there are more to precious stones that the diamond, emerald and ruby variety.)

Be more deliberate.

Learn new recipes. (Not exactly my cup of tea...so I started with baking again.)

Update the travel masterplan. With dates and bookings. (It's back on track.)

Meditate!

Read more books again. (And I meant real books, not the pretend books.)

Eat more real food. (I was inspired after reading Food Rules.)

Get more sleep! (Working on it)

Only postive thoughts!

Continue life conversations with Kyla (What we teach our kids today will at least help shape up the person they become tomorrow. I learned this from my parents, grandparents, aunts and uncles.)

Learn a new language. (Kyla knows the language I have chosen. Inspired by a movie I was watching when I decided to do this.)

I am excited about updating our travel plans once again. Kyla is excited too! It lagged for a while so now we have some catching up to do. Travelling has been made relatively affordable nowadays and the places we are interested to see are not very far from where we live today.

I have started my new language exploration. I downloaded this app with voice over tutorial and I started with handy, everyday phrases. I am so looking forward to actually have to put it to good use someday!

Something Has Changed

In the last two months, I kept telling my better half, a few close friends and those who cared to remember my musings that something has changed ever since the year started.

For one, I became a sleepyhead. Last year, I can stay awake until 1:00 to 2:00 in the morning for the entire week and still appear at 8:00 A.M. the next day at the office. Nowadays, I am hopelessly sleepy by 10:00 in the evening (like right now) and I have to drag myself off from the bed in the morning. Which means I am left with tons of unread emails the next day whereas I used to be able to clean them up in the evenings. It does have benefits for my health though because I am no longer lightheaded at work and the migraines are lesser now that I am able to sleep longer.

For the last twelve months I realized I got used to only having 2-3 meals a day, being lunch and dinner. I take breakfast when I am in the mood for it. I was accustomed to taking my breakfast at 8:30 in the morning at the Plant, usually after the early morning walk around the operations area. I'm not the type who can take in food so early in the morning and it's no fun to be eating breakfast in front of a laptop either once you are already at the office. But nowadays I try to grab something (healthy) at home.

I also started going back to my old routine of having an afternoon coffee or tea and some snack with friends whenever time allows us to do so. Lately, I felt the need more than ever, to break off my eyes from the computer screen, else my eyes starts to ache in the literal sense. You can probably imagine tired, strained eyes, but eyes that ache??? You better believe it.

Speaking of coffee, I still need to have my usual cup to get me started for the day. For some reason, halfway through, the coffee starts to taste either sour, metallic or just plain abominable lately. Whatever. So it ended up that my regular 2 cups a day has been technically cut down to just one.

At 8:00 in the evening or so, Kyla and I would stretch on the bed and we'll talk about our-day-so-far. I'll ask her about what she did in school. In turn, she also asks me about how my day was at work. Sometimes Kevin would join us and we'll ask him how his day went.

I have more random thoughts going on in my head and I wish I can keep up with all of them because they would make interesting anecdotes for a blog.

My friends told me that it is probably a sign.... of years taking it's toll and telling your physical being to slow down.

But I also know, during one honest-to-goodness moment of introspection, that something has changed. Beyond just physical.

I felt it when the year started. Or rather, after our vacation at our home country last December. Something happened. Something has changed. I can call it different shades and names. Turning point. Serendipity. A-ha moment. Realization. Surrender. Acceptance.

Something has changed. Irrevocably so.

What Do You Want to be When You Grow Up?

I asked my then 7-year old, "What do you want to be when you grow up?"

When she was 5, she said she wanted to be a dentist. For her artclass culmination week, her masterpiece was a huge drawing of herself as a dentist with her dental tools whom she named Mr. Shower (the noisy thing that sprays water) and Mr. Hotdog (the red suction tube). Sitting on an imaginary dental chair was Kevin who was her patient (she labelled the boy as Kevin). She told me that she will take care of her brother's teeth (Kevin has a perfect set of teeth). We never had problems going to the dentist when she was just 3 years old. She was her calm, brave self. No crying, shrieking and running to mommy.

When she was 6, she said she wanted to be an engineer "just like Mommy and Daddy." Whenever they have to fetch me from my work at the Plant, the view of the laundry twin towers would greet her and this amazes her. I used to manage this operation (the half of the twin tower) and one day she said she wanted to do the same. At my old work pod, I have a drawing from Kyla of the twin tower complete with the vast parking lot, the walkway to the employee entrance. She drew me standing on one of the floors, eyeglasses and all. Kimby the dog was also in the picture but she didn't explain why. She got accustomed to the line leaders calling me at home (obviously when something was wrong) and she would do a why-why analysis on me after the call. She knew my line leader's name. One time, when the phone rang on a weekend, she mutterred "o, sira na naman ang motor..." (translation: the motor has broken down again). True enough the motor did broke down.

After being exposed to the vet (whenever we took our pet Kimby to the doctor), she said she wanted to be an veterinarian. We ended up buying this toy veterinary medical kit and an IKEA wooden bed for dolls so that she can play doctor to her toy animals. I just humor on her whatever is her latest wannabe.

It is interesting to note and follow how her answer vacillate every now and then. We just have to nurture their dreams until the time comes for them to finally make that monumental decision.  I can understand that not everyone would know what they would like to be as a grown up, at seven years old or so.  Did you?

I was subscribed to the Pambata magazine (a monthly publication for elementary school children) during my primary school years. It's an educational magazine for grade schoolers. When I was in grade 2, they featured a comic rendition of the different types of scientists so that children can visualize them better. I still have a photographic memory of those specific pages. I was drawn to the chemist, looking like some mad scientists mixing potions into vials. Reminded me of my experiments at home, mixing my dad's shaving cream, my mom's perfume and our neighbor's soil (we lived in an apartment but the neighbor next to the apartment row, had a vast garden with fruit trees and all).

In my junior high school year, I learned about the careers in the field of chemistry and discovered chemical engineering. I thought that working in a plant is challenging so I took up ChE instead for college. When I was hired in my first job for my the one and only company I worked for, I worked in an office (headquarters). But my instincts told me that my future is connected to the Plant. In 2001, it came true. And the rest, as they say, is history.

Back to Kyla. Can you guess what shewanted to be now? Back to being the dentist.

Requiem for the Bookstore

“Books are the quietest and most constant of friends; they are the most accessible and wisest of counselors, and the most patient of teachers.”  ― Charles William Eliot

“Classic' - a book which people praise and don't read.” - Mark Twain

“I declare after all there is no enjoyment like reading! How much sooner one tires of any thing than of a book! -- When I have a house of my own, I shall be miserable if I have not an excellent library.”  ― Jane Austen, Pride and Prejudice

photo credit-- from Neil Gaiman's Journal (blogsite)

We were having our usual Sunday stroll at Vivocity when a big sign caught my eye. Page One is having a massive 70% discount on their books. Uh-oh. Not good. So I went closer and read this poster at the entrance confirming that Page One is bidding adieu.

This was the third bookstore that has closed down, in my last 16 months in SG. First there was MPH in Novena Square. Then the iconic Borders bookstore in Wheelock Place, just a few weeks after I swore I could live there. And now, Page One. I felt forlorn while reading their farewell poster.

Bookstores are businesses. Simple logic - for a business to thrive, it's must make it's bottomline. Else, cut the bleeding. Which means the sellout isn't that phenomenal. Which means people don't read books anymore. Maybe not as much as they used to. Maybe not at all.

Do people don't read anymore? Was it because the so-called more trendy and sophisticated e-books and reader tablets have replaced the familiar paperbacks? I did wonder.

And so the irony of it all is that when a bookstore is about to close, suddenly half the country decided they would like to read after all!   You can say I'm too prejudiced but I don't care.  We went inside to get more books for Kyla and some for myself but was met by a snake-like queue that goes around the bookstore. And every person has at least 2 bucketfuls each.  I hope they do intend to read those.  We balked at the idea of lining up for the rest of the afternoon.  I promised Kyla that we'll get her books from someplace else. There are also quite a number of children's book store nearby where we live. Quaint ones that reminds you of the Little Shop Around the Corner bookstore from the movie "You've Got Mail." I wish they won't die soon.

Here's a requiem to the bookstore. May their death cease.

Tears

My tears meant that I am too weary.
I may be at the end of my strength.
But it doesn't mean that I surrender.
"Weary loads are meant for shoulders
 Strong enough to carry them."

My tears meant I am frustrated.
Over people. Events.
Twist of events. Events that get twisted.
But there is redemption in knowing
That fate has its way of righting wrongs.
It always does.

Does Anyone Still Own a Walkman?

My 13 years-old Sony Walkman still in top form.
I just need to get a circuit board (I'm guessing) repaired.

The first thing I bought from my first paycheck - after graduating from college and landing a job with P&G - was a Sony Walkman.

I've coveted the Walkman since my grade school and high school days but since we cannot afford these things then, I had to wait until I got my own salary to be able to buy one. It was quite a long wait as you can tell because by the time I bought one, the Discman was already the in-thing for music lovers.

When I started working in Makati, I took the public transport everyday to Ayala Avenue where the Philippine G.O. was located, from our hometown in the countrysides of Binangonan, Rizal. And when I say countryside, I am not exagerrating. Our home lies at the foot of a hill-y terrain. The backyard connects to a creek and vast track of land and a chicken and duck farm (we don't own those, by the way). After living in a dormitory during college days, I want to come home at the end of the day and have a hot, decent home-cooked dinner rather than spend another episode of boarding some place else.

Besides, if I tally the cost of living independently in the Metro, I'll be living a wonderful life of independence with an empty pocket by mid-month while walking along posh Ayala Avenue looking all jazzed up. Nah! I'd rather go home and save some. I even bring my own packed lunch all the way to Makati then.

Back to the Walkman.

That said, the Walkman was my daily companion as I took the 60-minutes or so travel time from Rizal to Makati City. I have at least 2-3 casette tapes lodged in my bag everyday so that I can tune in to my favorite music and block out everything else in the world. This is especially true if the music playing in the jeepney (and later on, the more comfortable Toyota FX vans with the Rizal-Makati route) is an abominable one!

Even after the Discman and much later the Apple's Ipod came to rule the musical universe, I kept my Walkman and my assorted casette tapes. One by one my casette tapes started to fade out of old age and I can't play anything anymore.

Much later I got married and lived in Makati, we had two kids, moved to Laguna, built our new house, moved into Singapore and who knows what future is up to, but I still have my Walkman with me. With one casette tape left (ballroom dancing music).

The Walkman is what my daughter would now call as "a thing from the Olden Days." They had a lesson from school about the so-called Olden Days and they were asked to come to school in an attire to reminisce the Olden Days from their country. They also brought things from the past. Since she can't carry our antique wooden baul (casket), the antique and very heavy plantsa (flat iron, this is one where you need to put hot coals inside the main compartment and strike while the iron is hot) and our iron-casted bowls, we opted to have her bring the old rattan ball (it is lightweight). She should have brought the walkman. None of those kids would recognize it anyway.

As of today, the Walkman can't play a thing anymore. When I attempted to place AA batteries and pressed the 'play' button, it gives off a whirring sound. Some mechanical thing is working but I guess the electronic boards were busted by now. It's a hunch.

But I'm keeping it anyway. Someone may be able to fix it. And then my next problem is where to get a casette tape. But that's another problem for another time.

The Bloggers' Survival Kit

People are amazed at how I manage to maintain a blog when in fact they receive work emails from me at an unholy our of the day. I can catch a whiff of sarcasm somewhere somehow in few exceptional times when I get those questions... but hey, life is too short so let me enjoy the one thing I do that I am happiest about. Writing.

Blogging is not an 'effort' at all for me. It's a publicized soliloquy. It is like talking to oneself really and then writing all about it. My blogs doesnt take me more than 10 minutes to write. Finding the right picture and uploading them is actually longer. One of my top 10 blogs, believe it or not but I wrote it 10 minutes before my conference call that I took late night at home, simply because the memory of an event suddenly flashed back to me like a light bulb moment! (see "The Living and the Dead")

For Wannabe Bloggers, here are the basic survival kit guide....

1. A lightweight laptop. One that you can lug-around while travelling so you can update and upload blogs in jiffy. I bought a 10.1" laptop for blogging purposes. Must have bluetooth, wifi capability. You can also do the same nowadays via Tablets and Smartphones but I find the touchpad very cumbersome. If your thoughts flow fast enough, you have to be able to write faster. Can't do that in my phone.

2. Camera and card reader. Pictures paint a thousand word and blogging is publishing so it is always good to have visuals. I always bring a camera with me for those 'blog-worthy' moments and places, and you can immediately upload your pictures. New laptops have built in card readers already though which is a lot convenient. camphone with hi-res pictures are good alternative.

3. Prepaid Mobile Internet when travelling. Or go to any spot with free Wifi. I was able to write a new entry while waiting for my flight. Or connect via your smartphones. Figure it out. Of course, doing it from your home office is simpler.

4. Your creative juices. The real joy about blogs is that it is really effortless. You see something interesting and you write about it. An idea passes by and you capture the essence of the thought before it fleetingly disappears.

Like right now. Me and this blog entry. Pictures to follow later. My 10-minutes worth.

Notebook of Dreams

I loooove notebooks.

I used to own probably 4-5 notebooks at any given time. For work. For personal to do list. For my literary scribblings and a few more that were given ro me as gifts. When I am in a bookstore and I see a nice, elegant looking notebook, I could not resist buying one. Even with the onset of Palm Pilot (which died), Smart Phone and now, the Ipad (and the Ipad look-alikes), there is something elemental about notebooks versus a digital rendition of scribbled musings.

Before I left Manila, I gave away a lot of my old "new" (unused) notebooks to my office mates. I realized have a lot kept in my locker and at home. I had to finally "let go" of my really old notebooks from my R&D Process days. I had to throw a couple that caused a great deal of stress.

Two years ago I started this tradition of writing down my "To Do List for the Year". I received a Papemelroti notebook-the one with brown paper-having been made from recycled paper and I decided to put it to good use by listing down the things I want to accomplish for the next 2-3 years. It included both personal pursuits as well as those that extend to my family.

Last September, I decided to leave the notebook behind as a "something old" memento to a friend from work. I had to tear off about 2 pages where I have written my life's pursuits. Looking at my hand written notes for the last time, I realized that each and every one of in the list had this red "check mark" beside them, -- even when I thought at the time I wrote it that it seemed impossible or outrageous. I have actually realized all those things I have set out to do and accomplish. And I had to say, most of them were not accomplished by my lone self. It also took great partnership with my better half.

I was handing down not just an ordinary notebook-- it was a notebook where dreams are made. And where dreams, coupled with faith, perseverance and tenacity -- do come true.

... Which reminds me, its time to have a new notebook. For my new "To Do" list. It will be quite a long list.

Just Got Lucky

When I first came in the Red Dot four years ago, I heard about this quaint mall along the posh Orchard Road where Filipinos gravitate, called Lucky Plaza. They actually called it a Jologs mall. The low rise mall will remind you of small town neighborhood malls back in the country. I never had a chance to go inside and check it out.

Until lately.

Sissy told me that Lucky Plaza is bustling with Filipinos on any busy weekday, but most especially during weekends. This is where many OFWs go for forex, remittance to home country (at a lower charge), buy authentic Pinoy groceries (Boy Bawang, Pancit Canton, Likas Papaya, etc) at Singaporean prices. At the food court you will find a stall serving Pinoy dishes. One serving rice and your choice of two dishes will cost SGD5.

One rainy Sunday afternoon, onwards to my second week at Sing, I was struck with flu and was literally sick and tired. I didn't have food at the service apartment then and was near starvation so I decided to brave the rainy weather and headed to Lucky Plaza to get a late lunch of rice and Pinoy food. I was also quite deppressed then that each step felt so heavy. The rainy weather did not help either and added to the gloom of it all. It was that kind of a week, really.

I knew I was close to Lucky Plaza when I saw throngs of fellow Filipinos at the rainy pavement. Chatting. Waiting. Laughing. Inside the mall, it was elbows to elbows with Pinoys. The remittance centers were the busiest lot.

I went to the basement food court and found the Pinoy stall and ordered my lunch. The tables were full so I had to squeeze in amongs the Pinays eating and chatting in one table for four. They smiled at me and let me take the vacant spot. I can hear their conversation as we were seated so close. I think they work as domestic caregivers, based on their exchange of stories. I listened to their stories as I ate my lunch. Before I left, I went to the Pinoy store and bought some noodles and canned tuna.

When you are in a country that is not your own, alone and sick as I was that day and longing for the comfort of your family, the company of fellow kababayans is as close as you can get to give you a sense of belongingness. Even if it was just a quaint mall sorely misplaced in the middle of the posh Orchard Road.

And who really knows? Probably during those weekend afternoons, the communion of Pinoys might have been sharing the same thoughts I had. We are all not very different at all. We were all just strangers in a country that is not our own. Working. Missing our loved ones. I will go through it for three months, but most of them probably had it for years and years. And there we were. Bounded by our solace.

The End of a Friend

And so my loyal and strong friend met its end.

I have sworn to run (well, walk really) it to the ground. So I did. After 4 years, my loyal Naturalizer Wedge Sandals called it quits. The red strap gave way. Actually if I yank the horizontal strap off, it will still be good as new. So I am seriously contemplating to do just that.

I bought this in Bangkok 4 years ago (!) together with a fellow WPI Pillar leader Wang Ping when we attended the 1st ever Regional Std Work training. Come to think of it, Wang Ping had left and came back to China already after years of sojourn in Europe, and this pair is still my favorite every day shoes, and is still good. Wang Ping also bought one but a lighter color with Lime straps. I wonder if it's still alive.

My good old wedgie have been companions everywhere-Bohol, Batangas, Subic and Central Luzon, all of South Luzon, Bangkok, Shanghai, Beijing, Vietnam, Japan and Singapore. I always bring this pair of shoes in all my travels, in all the 53x4x2 days of weekends of my life. Can match any outfit in the wardrobe, casual or formal. If you are a keen observer, one would assume this is the only pair of shoes I have.

I love it most of all because it is just so comfortable! You can walk all day long and not feel fatigued. Almost as if a premonition, I was browsing for a similar pair at Naturalizer last week. But not a chance.

And if I happen to find Mr.Quickie at Lucky Plaza, I am sure I can have it repaired! So I am not throwing it away for now!