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Thursday, January 15, 2015

The Pahiyas Festival Experience

This post is actually too late for the actual event and too early for the next one....

We wanted to do experience the Pahiyas festival for quite some time and finally, last May 2014 we made it happen!

Pahiyas is a yearly festival set in Lucban, Quezon in honor of San Isidro, the patron saint of good and abundant harvest.  Pahiyas literally means “to decorate”. This is one of the most colorful festivals in the Philippines held every 15th of May.  Houses and streets are decorated mostly from colorful kiping as well as assorted harvest and food fare.

Lucban is a 2 to 2.5 hour drive from where we live in Laguna, accessed via SLEX and passing by the towns of Los Banos, Bay, Santa Cruz and turning right to the Pagsanjan-Cavinti road. 










Here are few tips to enjoy the Pahiyas Festival:

·         We preferred to come earlier in the day while it is still relatively cooler. Alternatively, you can also go on a late afternoon to early evening. Most homes were designed to have colorful lighting in the evening.
·         It is better to bring your own transportation but be prepared to park it just off the highway junction.
·         Be prepared to walk at least a kilometer or more, from the Lucban junction just off the end of the highway going to the streets where the festivities are held. All modes of transportation are not allowed anymore inside the town’s main streets. You really have to walk!
·         Consequently, wear light, summer-friendly clothing, hat/cap, sun protection and comfortable shoes or slippers.
·         If you forgot to bring a summer-y hat, you can always buy one along the streets of Lucban for a price that is almost a steal! 
·         Don’t expect all the streets of Lucban to be garbed with colorful decorations. Usually, only a select section will be decked every year and each street take their turn year on year. If you have no idea which is the right street to visit, just follow the crowd and you’ll never go wrong.
·         Take time to appreciate the ‘Pahiyas’ of every participating household. I interviewed one home maker and I was told it took them at least one week to decorate. And lots of harvest, patience and creativity.
·         Some houses have a 2nd floor balcony that overlooks the street. Ask permission from the home owner to allow you to have your picture taken from the balcony itself for a better backdrop. Most home owners will actually oblige. We tried this in at least two houses.
·         I have not tried partaking lunch from a random house, although I heard this is pretty standard expectation during festivals in provinces. The nosy me couldn’t help but notice that most home owners do not necessarily have feast that is open for public. Some houses had videoke but no food.  Net, plan to stop-by somewehere else for lunch.
·         Don’t forget to try street fare especially the Pancit Habhab. Stir-fried egg noodles are served on a banana leaf with a dash of vinegar and you have to eat the pancit straight from the banana leaf without using any fork. Hence the name, habhab. Yep, you get the picture! Habhab-an na!
·         If you are the squeamish kind and need table, chair, airconditioning, the works, drop by at Buddy’s Restaurant for an equally authentic pancit habhab. Parking can be a challenge though. And on the day of the festival itself, be prepared to wait in line.
·         For your pasalubong fare, try the Lucban Longganisa or Broas (Lady Fingers) by the bucket. 
·         Follow the path leading to the Parish church and town plaza where more festivities abound. They also replicated their version of the Higantes (Giants) which was made famous by our very own Angono, Rizal.

Our children are not exposed to town festivals so we took this opportunity for them to experience the fiestang Pilipino.

It is truly more fun (and more colorful) in the Philippines!

Saturday, April 12, 2014

Villa Escudero: Life at a Plantation

The last time we visited Villa Escudero, we were a family of three and Kevin was a little over two years old.  Fast forward to twelve years later, the prospect of visiting the famous hacienda-turned-resort seemed a good idea following my recent interests in plantation estates.  A few weeks prior to that, I have been voraciously reading about the history of Canlubang Sugar Estates of Laguna and was captivated by the nostalgia of a once prosperous town from the era of feudalism.

Villa Escudero's Labasin Lake
Villa Escudero was a coconut plantation in late 1880s and part of its land was converted and opened to the public as a resort featuring hacienda life.  This is easily accessible right off the highway following the arch between the San Pablo City, Laguna and Tiaong, Quezon boundary.  The dirt road leads to the main reception hall where you will be greeted by the receptionists and guest relations team garbed in baro at saya.  Enjoy the sights and sounds of Villa Escudero via day tour or overnight stay packages.

From the nipa hut style reception hall, you can walk directly to get a glimpse of the hacienda’s homestead. This was painted in pink and white and dutifully preserved the original architecture of what was once home to the hacienda owners.  When I was still a child, I learned from my maternal grandmother that while old houses used to have two floors, only what we technically recognize as the ‘second floor’ is habitable.  The area below it is usually an open space where the owners may choose to keep smaller livestock like chickens. The homestead of Villa Escudero was designed in the same fashion, where two opposite staircases lead to the veranda and main door. Most probably, there were two staircases because in the old world, men and women do not mingle intimately and rub elbows in such cramped areas, or any other area. The ground level of the house was enclosed though. The hacienda’s villa faces a sprawling garden with a fountain at the center. Unfortunately, the villa’s interior is not open for public viewing. 

View of Church-turned-Museum 

Carabao-Cart ride with Maganda
 Very close to the homestead is the museum, also painted in pink and white, which used to be a church for the plantation owners and their feudals. This is now housing the Escudero’s grand collection of religious collections and antiques not only from the Old Philippines but also from around the world which, as I have read, the owners acquired from their travels.  Actually, to say grand is an understatement! No one is allowed to take pictures inside the museum so I have to commit everything to memory.

I really encourage you to visit this museum when in Villa Escudero.  The first time I made my round, I was too busy chasing a two year old to make sure we don’t end up paying a broken-million-pesos-something. This time around, my culture-vulture self took its time to appreciate the collection. I was in awe of the sheer number of life-size statues of Jesus of Nazarene, Saints, and Santo Ninos.  It was amazing to see a full life-size collection of The Last Supper, imagining the effort and resources it took to get those. I thoroughly enjoyed the tour at the upper floor showcasing collection of more than a hundred dolls from around the world, fashionable garbs for the elite men and women of pre-modern world Philippines, old currencies, letters and correspondences and valuable knick knacks. Naturally, I gravitated towards the collection of abanicos, silver backed mirrors, paynetas, jewelries and medallions. One can almost imagine being transported back in time, living as a well-to-do daughter of a haciendero and being surrounded by old-rich splendor.

From the museum, you will be treated to a carabao-driven cart while serenaded by a manong. This will take you to the main pavillion and from there you can choose to pass the day by swimming (there are three pools close by), trying out the raft at the Labasin lake (it’s quite strenuous; make sure at least one of you really know how to properly maneuver the raft), or if you have enough patience (and skill), try fishing for only Php 100 for the cost of borrowing the fishing rod and the bait. My daughter Kyla thoroughly enjoyed this and spent the afternoon fishing with her Dad. Kyla caught a total of four fishes!  She promptly returned the fish back to the lake after the mandatory photo shoot every time she caught one.


One of the main attractions of Villa Escudero is lunch by the waterfalls. The man-made falls are run by the hacienda’s hydroelectric system. Tables upon rows of tables are set at the foot of the waterfalls where you can partake of the  buffet spread of Filipino dishes al fresco while your feet are submerged in ankle deep cool water from the falls. It is quite a unique treat!  I realized that the buffet has not really changed but nonetheless still appetizingly good -- Filipino style ensalada, pancit, grilled meats (pork, chicken) and fish, kaldereta, vegetable stews, fresh fruits and banana cue for dessert. 

Lunch Al Fresco by the Falls
We ate a bit late to avoid the mad rush and long queue

Alvin wore his 12-yr old Villa Escudero shirt
Her second of four catches for the day!
Patience is a virtue

The afternoon attraction is the cultural dance and rondalla presentation showcasing famous songs and dances from the diffferent regions of the Philippines, choregraphed by Ramon Obusan. The singers and presentors are actually from the employees and residents of the hacienda. When visiting the hacienda, stick around for the cultural show and I assure you that you won’t be disappointed!

Mano Po!


Cultural Show featuring Ifugao dance

I didnt really quite explain to her this scene...
We spent the rest of the afternoon strolling around the grounds where you will find various life-like statues depicting life and traditions at the rural Philippines. There were scenes depicting pagmamano, harana, palo sebo, pag-aaro sa bukid, sabong and whole lot more. When my daughter studied in an IS, they had a whole semester studying about “life in the olden days” and this was a good show-and-tell learning opportunity to show her life at the barrios, although I must admit I deliberately left the details of pagliligawan (scenes depecting courtship) for a later phase.


"Uso pa ba ang harana?..."

Ready for farming
This is what I call Synchronized Swinging

Overall, it was a very relaxing and satisfying day! When in Philippines and in the Southern Tagalog region of Laguna-Quezon, do visit Villa Escudero for a glimpse of a life an an old world plantation, when life used to be unhurried and simpler.

Tuesday, March 25, 2014

Sunny Days (Alvin's Inspirational Speech from the 2014 Commencement Exercise of Optimal Academy)


After what seemed to be a long while, Kevin was blessed to have been a part of Special Education once more after we came back to Manila last year.  That we landed with Optimal Academy was not a mere happenstance, if I look back.  I was in a meeting with Kevin's speech therapist in another center when I saw the school's flyer propped at the desk. I took one and thought that this is what Kevin needed. We have been looking for a new school for him somewhere within south. Alvin and I decided to visit their school that week. And rest, is history.

In Optimal Academy's Commencement Exercise and Recognition Day for undergraduates, my husband Alvin had the privilege of giving an inspirational talk about a father and son's journey through life's challenges.  Known as "Daddy Alvin" at school, he is a mainstay at Optimal Academy.  All the students know him and in a way, he is sort of a father figure for them as well alongside Sir John (school President), especially for the teenage boys.

Alvin's speech brought tears to my eyes, remembering the poignant days when we were starting out as young parents for Kevin and Kyla.  But it also gave me an overwhelming feeling of gratefulness to the Lord, for giving me a better half who is truly our hero in every sense of the word.  

This is the transcript of his speech....

"Good afternoon to all!

Some of you already know me because I always go to Optimal Academy with my son Kevin.  Today, let me introduce myself a little bit more.

I am a Chemical Engineer by profession, and worked for years in San Miguel Corporation until Kevin was diagnosed with ASD with Apraxia when was nearly 3 years old.  My wife Armie, who is also a Chemical Engineer, is the one literally supporting our family right now.  So I would like to thank her for doing the job that I am supposed to do.  She once told me, that we all have roles in life... And this is my role.

Ten years ago, my wife and I decided that one of us should focus on attending to Kevin full-time, so that we can understand his needs better and help him in the process.  At first, it wasn't easy for me to accept the role that I am doing.  I felt ashamed of myself when some of my peers would ask me where I am working.  I am afraid that some of them will not understand me, especially those who don't know Kevin and his challenges.  Well it doesn't really matter, as long as I am getting the love and respect from my wife and my kids, it's fine with me.

Then, I learned about Stock Market Online.  That changed everything.  It's not much, but enough to bring back my self confidence and improve my skills.  So every day, Kevin and I go to Optimal Academy for him to study,  and for me to work (on my stocks) and assist him.  With God's help, we found the best set up for the two us.

Kevin has a sister, her name is Kyla.  Everyday, after coming from school, the first thing that Kyla would do is check Kevin's diary.  She also likes teaching Kevin at home.  Whenever she has no class, she always come with us in Optimal Academy to help Kevin and the other students too. One day she told us that she would like to be a teacher for special children and that she will open her own school someday.

Among the parents here, I would say I am lucky, to have the opportunity to see these children every day.  So please allow me share to you some of my observations in the school.

First, they are learning because they are happy.  Unlike most of us, we become happy only if we get the things we want in life.  But for these students, happiness comes first.  They go to school every day excited, because they know that they will have fun.  They like going to school, and they love the people in Optimal Academy.  I challenge you..., visit Optimal Academy and count the people that will greet you.  Some students will even hug you!  And then, go to other schools and see if you'll get the same. The feeling of being welcomed and accepted makes them ready to listen and learn.  So, make them happy and they will learn.  I remember the time when I taught Kevin how to use chopsticks.  He learned it in just one day simply because he likes to eat and he was happy.

The second point that I would like to share is, not every day is a Sunny Day... But I am sure, Sunny Days will always come.  There will be days with crying and resistance... and there will be days, they will surprise you on how fast they learn.

When Kevin was six years old, his Developmental Pediatrician told us that Kevin will never talk... that we can already stop his Speech therapy, and start teaching him PECS (Picture-Exchange Communication System).  It was hard to accept, but we followed the doctor's recommendation.  We introduced PECS to him.  However, we did not stop his Speech therapy.  In short, we did not give up... and will never give up.

After four years, at age 10, he started communicating with us verbally.  He learned to say simple words like, "I want to eat" when he is hungry, "I want to sleep" when he is tired and "I want toilet" when he wants to go...

And then January of this year, just three months ago..., Kevin started reading.  Something we did not expect.  Believe it or not, our goal for this school year is just for him to learn the alphabet... Just the simple A, B, C.  It took him a while... but he's now getting there.

THANK YOU to the teachers of Optimal Academy for your patience and always believing on him.  Truly, everything will fall into the right place, at the right time... IN GOD'S TIME!

And today, to all the graduates, TODAY IS YOUR TIME! So congratulations to you all for a job well done.  And to the other students, as Teacher Lani always say, "YOU CAN DO IT"..., "WE CAN DO IT!"

I would like to end my sharing with a short video for you to know and understand Kevin.  Hope you'll like it.  Thank you and good day!"

Saturday, February 15, 2014

Country Staycation Weekend at Discovery Suites

We decided to continue the tradition of welcoming the Chinese New Year in style.  This year, we spent our CNY Staycation weekend at the Discovery Country Suites in Tagaytay.  This city, with its cool and breezy weather, always evokes peace and tranquility.  A perfect getaway for families looking for a break from the daily grind.  Discovery Country Suites (DCS) under the Discovery Suites hotel chain, is an elegant country- side Bed and Breakfast retreat that offers a great view of the Tagaytay ridge and Taal lake and volcano. I like the idea of simply chilling out and doing nothing.

Misty mornings at Country Suites

Facade of the Discovery Country Suites

Our suite opens to this loft

There are seven suites at DCS and each comes with a unique theme. The rooms  are spacious and comfortable enough for a family of four. We had the Spanish-themed Andalucia suite located at the loft level.

This window overlooks the lake... and the Starbucks beside DCS

Bold colors dominate the Andalucia suite
The Verbena restaurant is cozy and intimate setting that extends to an enclosed balcony. Sumptuous breakfast is served here.  Select a hearty breakfast of your choice from their extensive menu and the chef will cook this for you.  There is an accompanying spread of bread, cheese, jam and fresh fruits and juices.  I selected the very tempting steak and eggs breakfast. Every calorie was worth it!

Guests also are treated to a wine and cheese platter every afternoon at the Verbena restaurant.  Perfect for an afternoon chit-chat with hubby while we excitedly ponder our plans for 2014.  The youngsters get to have cookies and milk for an afternoon snack.

My brekky of choice- Steak and Eggs.
Will worry about the calories later.
Sumptuous breakfast at the balcony.
I'd love to wake up everyday with this.
  
Wine and cheese afternoon with hubby while we ponder our 2014 plans
After breakfast, we also did a bit of exploration around. There is a small garden that overlooks the Tagaytay ridge and a family sized jacuzzi pool, if you dare to jump in and brave the surrounding cold weather!

Small backyard garden for an afternoon stroll

The lake and volcano -- visible when its not too misty

Jacuzzi pool looks tempting. But not in this weather.

A quiet staycation - just what we needed
Likes

  • Intimate setting - with maximum of seven rooms, you are not plagued by an abundant, rowdy crowd
  • Perfect for those looking for a peaceful retreat
  • Tasty and tempting food choices at Verbena restaurant. 
  • Close to Starbucks for your caffeine fix
  • Lots of other places to see around Tagaytay, if you feel like going out
However,
  • I would not go there again on a holiday weekend though. Traffic was a bummer!
  • I appreciate peace and quiet.  At some point, the place was way toooooo quiet.
  • The bathroom amenities and towels need some upgrade. I expected better given the price of an overnight stay.
Overall, it was a weekend well spent.  Just what I needed just before the stressful weeks ahead at work!

Friday, January 3, 2014

Cheers for Five Years of Metamorphosis

Five years is quite a milestone for Metamorphosis*.

In my January 2013 article, I recalled “(The blog) started as an extension of my childhood diary days and the habit of putting thoughts into writing.  When I ventured into my first article in my blog site, all I wanted is to have an online repository for my essays and musings.  Metamorphosis was the title of my column in the UST Thomasian Engineer Journal. I decided to stick with this because of its symbolism.”

For someone who grew up to be painfully shy, writing is a great medium to express one’s thoughts and individuality. It is humbling how a simple blog whose roots came from solitary childhood ramblings grew to become a means to share life’s serendipities and somehow touch lives, albeit one person at a time, one article at a time.

Thank you dear friends and readers for allowing me to share a part of that voice with you!

*My column Metamorphosis got its name from the transformation of a lowly caterpillar to a bright and beautiful butterfly, after hibernating in the darkness of the cocoon. One can have a greater appreciation of light and beauty after getting enveloped into darkness and solitude.


Tuesday, December 31, 2013

My Yearender 2013: Seasons of Time

This year is incidentally, the 13th year of my year-end chronicles, in remembrance of the highlights and life events of the year that is about to come to pass and a gesture of embracing the New Year with optimism and good vibes. Yearenders are not just about a list, but pondering through life’s lessons that makes every year we add into our life, richer, meaningful not only for ourselves but also for others. And so I did the pondering-thing while chilling out under the palm trees dotting the beautiful Boracay shoreline and uncannily, there were indeed top 13 stories of 2013.

So here it goes…

A Time to Heal. Kyla had an accident at exactly Christmas day of 2012. She had a broken wrist and had to wear a cast for six weeks until the fractured bones healed itself in time. What amazed all of us including the doctors was her calmness and bravery throughout the ordeal. She did not cry or rage into hysterics (which, understandably, a child may have done). And even while still in her cast, in January 2013 she completed 2.6KM for the Singapore Terry Fox Run for a Cause and raised $100SGD for cancer research. Kyla is an example of a child whose spirit can never be broken, and I tell her that this is the most important lesson from that episode.

A Time to Let Go. I’ve gotten better in terms of taking my vacations and really let go, albeit for a while, of my usual I-need-to-do-this-by-so-and-so-at-work baggages, and really enjoy a true vacation. In 2013, we have ticked off every destination place in our travel plans: my birthday staycation at Shangrila Sentosa, Legoland Malaysia, Hanoi Vietnam/Halong Bay Tour, SEA World SG, Art Science Museum and revisiting good old Boracay. I also had my last run in SG with the Venus Women’s Run. Life is good!



A Time to Say Adieu. I already knew that our time in Singapore is about to come to an end and once again, time to say goodbye-for-now to friends in SG and at work. I am happy to go back with old friends, but equally grateful for making new friends who will become part of my life’s tapestry.

A Time to Connect to the Next Dot. I am forever thankful for the new avenues that life had opened for us during our stay in SG—after all, this is where Kevin grew leaps and bounds in his development, where he spoke his first sentence, where we were given a renewed sense of hope on what he can be. It validated my belief that the time we spent in Singapore was not a mere happenstance but part of a bigger picture, not only for myself but also for my family. Another dot was revealed and it is time to move on to the next one. (See article Connect the Dots)

A Time for Home Coming. The first place we visited after arriving in Manila was of course our home in Laguna. There is a sense of rightness into it, something much more than the act of physically seeing our house. While we spent the last 2.5 years living in a first world metropolitan city, nothing compares to the sense of peace that I felt when I saw our house once again. In my heart I understood what Coming Home meant. Thank God, we are finally home.

A Time to Savor Triumph. At the work front, FY1213 ended at a high note. After gruelling two years of challenges and tough times, AAIJK FC SNO results are all back on track and promises to be one of the best ever year. As promised, I treated my team to that well deserved buffet dinner to celebrate all the sweat and tears it took to get to where we are.

A Time to Charter New Horizons. By June 2013, I am officially back to the Plant. I feel an adrenaline rush simply thinking about the possibilities of what could be the next level of breakthrough for an organization that is already at the high end of that bar. I was not disappointed. In a split second moment while internalizing what can be, the vision came to me like fireworks lighting up a dark sky. Destination: known. The road is set.

A Time for a Renewed Sense of Hope. The biggest challenge coming home was finding a new school and partners for Kevin’s special needs. After all, he left as a child and returned as a teenager. But once again, the Lord has been there. Always. To lead our hand to the right way. We missed our appointment with one of the teachers who was supposed to give Kevin a referall for a center in Las Pinas. Instead, I saw this flyer on their desk for a school for special needs children, somewhere in Alabang. We decided to inquire there instead and it ended to be a better option for Kevin. We are very happy that Kevin found a new family in Optimal Academy and he continue to surprise us with his progress!

A Time to Change Hats. Our little girl is now a tween. I need to learn now this fine balance of being a mom (authority) and also be a friend whom she can trust, confide with and continue to bond via shared interests. So we endeavor to continue Fun Runs whenever we can, play more Badminton (good luck to me), listen to music together (thanks to Ninang Ninnie for Kyla’s mini boom box!), read books together, bake/cook together and continue to impart wisdom as I know she is hungry for it.

A Time for that Defining Moment. Kyla told me that she wants to become an educator and open a school for special children someday. This brought tears to my eyes because, even though she may still be young and can change her mind someday, I know that this was borne out of her nurturing spirit and love for her brother. Whenever she is off-school, she spends her day going to Kevin’s school and actually acting as the teacher’s assistant.

A Time for Rekindling Old Passions. Writing has been my passion. I had been very busy early this year from all the transitions we had to go through, for family and at work. But in the middle of moving to SG and Manila, my new roles and responsibilities, I had been given an opportunity to once again flex my literary and editorial muscles with a much broader audience. Thus, the Asia D&I Newsletter came to be. (Special thanks to Marlon Devera and Choops Tupe for their creative contributions for the logo.)

A Time for Retribution. I am going to be deliberately vague on this one. I once read somewhere that “The strongest of steels are forged from the hottest fires.” I know the feeling of going through a crucible. When the day of retribution finally came, was the day when I can truly say, I survived. I will always be thankful for my truest and trusted friends and confidantes who stood my me and held my hand through that rite of passage.

And finally, a Time for Peace. 2013 is probably, the year out of so many that passed, when I can truly I am at peace with my life and with every day that pass, I thank the Lord for giving me and my family this feeling of serenity, knowing fully well that wherever He wants to BE, whatever He wants me to BE, will be.

With this, I embrace 2014 with open arms.
Life Begins.
Again.

Saturday, October 26, 2013

Camp Benjamin - Day at the Farm

It is a wonderful blessing that we came to know about Optimal Academy, soon after we came back to Manila, last May 2013.  We did not doubt that this will be Kevin's new second home, and that he will have an enriching and fulfilling teenage life with them.

Kevin had plenty of opportunities to join outdoor recreations and educational activities since then. Like the class field trip, for instance. The out-of-town field trip was held at Camp Benjamin in Alfonso, Cavite.  This camp offer teambuilding activities for corporate and school functions.  They also have facilities for overnight events, an in-house coffee shop/cafĂ© and pool. Instructors joined us throughout the day to assist in the teambuilding activities.


Here are a few pictures of Kevin's class activities for the day tour...

First stop was tomato planting.  The in-house instructors demonstrated the proper measurement and premixing of soils and fertilizers.  The children proceeded to follow the same, assisted by adults, scooped a portion of the soil premix into their pots. This was followed by the tomato plant and finishing it off with a water shower.



Kids get to take home their plants
For the morning snack, the children get to experience a cooking and food preparation challenge ala Master Chef :-)   The staff provided home-grown ingredients and a menu that the team of children and parents can follow.

Cooking and Food Preparation Challenge:
Veggie Burger
Squash Fritters
Pink Lime Cooler (Talbos ng Kamote extract with Kalamansi)

Taking his turn to fry the fritters

Gently turning over the patties
The team's final presentation.
Incidentally, this ended as the morning snack.

The Bamboo Bowling was a hit! We had to transfer in-doors due to the slight drizzle.




More fun games and team events...

Team Frisbee Challenge

Time for the hoops!


Kevin's first experience for a Boodle Lunch

 
 
After our fill of lunch, we prepared to visit the farm...
 
 
 
Harvesting peanuts at the organic farm


Kevin harvested a handful of peanuts





And finally, cooling down to refresh after a day's work and play! Kevin and Dad were the first to take the dip while I satisfy my caffeine fix at the cafĂ©.

 
It is great to be back home! Kevin is now able to join a school with boys and girls of his age group especially now that he is a teenager already.  We feel so blessed to find this school where Kevin is in an environment where children genuinely care and support one another and the belief that every child can improve even if a little bit more, day by day, is championed.
 
At one point, I look at the children playing... they were all so happy, they cheer for each other and they are cloaked with simplicity and selflessness. I can only say to myself, "this is how truly beautiful people are like."